Dream: Why No Die?

I had dream last night/this morning. I don't even know if this was a nightmare, or at least it didn't stay that way. It just left me confused. I remember the setting was my old home on W block, except in the dream, I still lived there.

I was being threatened by some dude that was saying he was gonna break into my home and murder me, maybe murder everyone, I don't remember. I think maybe he did kill others before he got there, but I can't remember those details. Anyhow, I locked the door and grabbed a knife or two. One of them was my green paring knife. I was holding that one the whole rest of the dream. When he came inside, I stabbed him a bunch, mostly in the chest, but he didn't bleed out. He just walked outside. I called 911 and told them my address and what happened and wanted to detain the dude who was no longer posing a threat, but because he had before and I wanted him arrested. I was confused why he was fine and just walking around after getting stabbed a bunch in the torso.

I remember thinking as I was awake and trying to get back to sleep. I specifically remember giving my current home address and knew the setting in the dream was my old home. This begs the question if perhaps I was the home invader that lost their damn mind. The police never showed, although I can't know whether or not they were on their way before I awoke. I also remember wondering if they'd send the SCP Foundation, but that was definitely after I had awoken when I had those thoughts, lol.

Dream: The Blood Games

Dream time...
I'm part of some group, possibly military, I don't remember. Anyhow, we do training that is akin to being in a video game, where you have to find supplies to use and they are just around somewhere in the environment. In each of these sessions, we start out either first or in a diffferent location than the 'people' that we are to battle. The opposing group/individuals are vampires. Needless to say, they don't need high powered rifles and are probably already wearing all they need. The earlier training sessions don't seem dangerous, but the later one seemed more important and/or dangerous. In between or after all of the sessions were done, someone was telling me what a disgrace I was for allowing myself to get enthralled by one of those blood suckers and while on live recording. This was a shock for 2 reasons. Number one, I didn't know we were being recorded or at least not on live tv. Number two, I didn't even remember that vampire encounter and had a mild panic to check my neck for markings, both with my hand and a mirror. They were there.

About me lately...
For October, I have watched quite a lot horror movies, which did include some vampire movies. However, the most recent this weekend were Hellraiser movies. The only connection in that was a thought that popped into my head from a meme about a landlord wanting money or blood for rent. I have been sick this weekend with a cold, but I don't know if that matters toward this dream. (Sometimes physical feelings encourage the subconscious to make something up in a dream.) Pain in my throat, maybe? lol, This is my brain after all. Another thing that comes to mind isn't that recent, but it was before surgery months ago. When I got my blood tested, prior to the surgery, the doc sent me a message before I even got the test results. "Your tank's half empty, take iron twice daily with vitamin C." (it was longer, but yeah.) Basically, I found out I was animic, which I had been oblivious to. Currently, my cheeks are plenty rosey, both because the cause of the blood loss was fixed and because I'm a little warm.

Hiding in Hollywood

I had a dream last night. I was playing hide n seek. The location was the Hollywood map on Overwatch. It's the one that looks like a western set. There was an extra room I had never seen before inside the building with the green screen. At the end it had either a large window, or it was open, like a balcony, which looked out into some sunny nature, maybe a meadow with a tree, but I can't quite remember (it was outside of the map, just scenery). When I found the room, I had raced back to the corner at the window with someone else that came in there when I did. Then we moved to the 2 opposite corners closest the door to hide better. The other people playing were celebrities, one of them being George Clooney for some reason and I forgot who else was there. There was also a lot of people just standing around, watching the event. This wasn't entirely like the video game, but rather more like a traditional game of hide n seek.

This dream is very clearly about hiding and exposure. However, I'm not sure what message my subconcious was trying to convey specifically. I didn't even think about it right away, but even the map... of course there's celebrities in Hollywood! lol

Personal-itty (pseudo psychology shit)

Hmm, so I was doing a post, then realized I already put that story (2013)... Only bit of useful information not contained in the original was that I remembered a name that "might" have been his and tossed it in the comments. Anyhow, I've got more on my mind.

I've had an interest in MBTI as of the last few months. I can't say as to the exact reason why though. Perhaps looking for answers to some unknown question. First time I took a test was in college and didn't think much on it beyond that day. I got INTJ, the only one in our small class and when the instructor was grouping us up by type, he just had me pair up with someone that got ENTJ, which are "sister types" so we could discuss whatever the hell we needed to for some assignment. To be fair, those two have the same top 4 cognitive functions, but in a different order. INTJ = Ni (introverted intuitive), Te (extroverted thinker), Fi (introverted feeler), & Se (extroverted sensor). ENTJ - Te, Ni, Se, Fi. He was someone I got along with, possibly more than the other classmates. We had some stuff in common I suppose, but you wouldn't know it easily, since he was chatty and I was most definitely not, lol. Anyhow, I remember taking the test since and forgetting about it past that. This most recent time, I don't know if it popped into my head randomly or what suggestion put it in my head, but I've been enjoying the silly parodies and solving curiosities. In all honesty, I've only really looked into like 6 of the 16 types on how their cognitive stacks tend to manifest & make more sense of those stereotypes in the silly videos beyond my own type. Starting with the one I got mistyped for on the 16personalities website, ISTJ, which was literally 51% S & 49% N. Followed by the other 1 letter off types and the fourth NT type. (I hesitate to say sister types because INTP has all 4 top cognitive functions different). When I looked into ENTP, I had the "AHA!" moment of figuring out what my bf is, lol. He won't waste his time with a test, because he doesn't like to be "put in a box". Then of course he doesn't because he's an extroverted intuitive XD (Ne, Ti, Fe, Si). Interesting enough, his type and my type are shadows of each other and then I come to find out shadow types do very well to get along for companionship or whatnot. The whole give & take with the functions, so less clashing & more making up for what the other lacks. I think there is also a lack of understanding among say xNTx to xSFx types, which I'm totally not helping with, having not really done much to learn more about the other 10 types, aside from knowing what their cognitive stacks are. Then again, "typical" behaviors are not always typical. Also, there's even the animal thing with whole sleep, consume, play, and blast to try and explain variances because humans are complicated.

It is quite common to get mistyped and I think that is the biggest issue with Myers Briggs not always being reliable. I try to emphasize to people new to it that it is very important to read the descriptions and if it sounds off, it probably is. Best you can do is go in honest and unbiased, as best you can. When I was looking into the differences between INTJ and ISTJ, was like "Hmm, I do like things to have some semblance of order", but... Plus, the functions themselves will tell you. Ni-Te does well for finding patterns, creative solutions (or is some cases, fucking duh! your answer exists already. how do you not see it?!) [Seriously though, sometimes it's hard to not be a damn stereotype when someone is so stupid, that I want to mentally slap them.] Also, Ni on it's own, my mind just wanders off more often than I care to admit. Fi in the third slot, means I do have my inner emotions, but they are not the first thing on my mind and as such do not always express them. Se fourth slot = "repressed Se" which is to say I either notice things very well or not at all. If I'm really focused on something, I can become oblivious to some things that require use of the 5 senses. It also means my type can easily get caught up in the extroverted senses, such as drinking and bing-eating, or in my case requiring my clothes to both look and feel good (to me), a hot bubble bath with lovely scented bath items (dear god that lavender soap is addictive), youtube, and video games. To me, everything has to have a point or purpose, even if it is simply curiosity or entertainment. Then there is extroverted feeling, the 7th function, the blind spot the size of a damn bus... dealing with other people. I'm pretty sure my experiences while my mind was developing contributed to that. Only child with a single mom, spent plenty of time alone.

Then I'd had the curiosity of enneagrams. There is no 1 "this is absolutely your type" test to be run, so much as you have to actually understand how it works and figure it out from there. At best, they give suggestions. As MBTI explains how you function, enneagrams is more to explain why you function (motivation). There are 9 types, placed in a circle. The symbol for enneagrams is to connect the types to make more sense in how a person might function. The lines in the middle of the circle connect each type to how they act like other types when they are healthy or unhealthy. There are different levels, which will change based on how healthy you are mentally ranging from optimum to normal to unhealthy. There are potential "wings" for each type, which is when you figure out your primary type, one or both of the adjacent types can be your wing/s. I took tests on 3 websites, got different, but similar results, figured out the rest from looking into what seemed most accurate. I seem to be a 5w6. That being "the investigator" with inclinations towards "the loyalist". The primary type being the curious thinky independent recluse and the second being committed, security-oriented, and highly suspicious.

TLDR: Looney is a huge fucking nerd and not very social.

The Old Wound That Never Really Healed

Oh look... the blog I forget I have until I have a dream I feel like recording/sharing. Except I barely remember dreaming anymore as my sleep patterns are trash due to work schedules and habits. Anyhow, I sleep heavier as a result. On the plus side, haven't had sleep paralysis in... I'm not sure how long it's been, but it's been a long time.

I suppose I could touch on a topic that has come to mind as of late for some reason. TRIGGER WARNING TO FUTURE SELF... the shit upsets me when I think about it too much. So, down deep into the rabbit hole of my brain, where it's dark and cold. Where to start... So, my parents divorced when I was a wee bebe. My mother got custody and didn't tell me all what went down with my father except pieces here and there into adulthood. She didn't want to trash talk and to let me form my own opinions of him. Quite frankly, he was a shit father. The number of times he has called me I could probably count on one hand, maybe two. ...maybe, but probably not. I didn't meet him until I was 12 (and haven't seen him since). Of course, he legally had to pay child support. We were poor when I was a kid, so that would have helped. However, he would dodge it and even hid from other family members (his parents and siblings) when one of my aunts ratted out his info to help us. When I was a kid, I would spend summers with relatives. It would alternate which grandparents I was with for a few weeks. He never came to visit while I was with his parents. There was even a time when he had been there prior to me coming. I remember hearing about him seeing my little cousins and buying them whatever little things it was... that just stung. He has always had knowledge of my home info address/phone or at the very least knew where to find it. Over the years, was either nothing or the rare big box of holiday presents. Can't buy my affection, but it's nice to know my existence has been remembered. Fast forward into adulthood... he eventually paid off the back child support to my mother, somewhere in my early 20s. I don't remember how old exactly, but that shit would have been more useful when I was a kid. At some point a bitterness towards the bastard had formed. I hate my middle name, because it was named after him. Move forward to... 26? 28? around there somewhere. He emails me. He informs me Grandpa passed, which my other relatives seemed to have forgotten to tell me (fucking ouch). I'm not one to want to hold on to negative emotions, so he wanna try and be less shit, ok. I'll hear him out. We email each other for a while. I've spoken to him on the phone a handful of times. After a while, some personal shit happens in his life, things involving a hospital and he's seeing another woman before the previous one moved out. The emails become less frequent. I'm not sure if it's the holidays with the emphasis on families and whatnot or his profession and my bf building a new pc (and having troubles), but I'm reminded. Last email was for last new year apparently. That anger, those hurt feelings being felt again. I don't know if he's having physical issues or just being a bastard because he's happy with his latest lady. I don't know who emailed who last and quite frankly I don't give a shit. Enough time has passed that it doesn't matter. Also, more importantly I DON'T OWE HIM SHIT. Even when we were on more positive terms, I felt anxiety when he talked about how he'd like me to come up there some time. Email is just text on a screen, same as this blog. Going out of my way, to leave home, to see him face to face after all these years is a huge step and I can't be the one to make that effort.

If you're reading this old man, fuck you.

Rear End

So, this dream was a couple nights ago, or whenever it was. It was recent and I still remember it. Could have been this morning, but early mornings are tiring and seem like longer ago.

I'm in a car with mom. She's driving. There's a truck on the left with a hispanic lady and guy, possibly siblings. The guy is driving, the girl is acting as if to challenge for a fight. We've no intention of stopping for scrapping. We keep driving, then speed up. We're ahead for a while, until they drive in front of us and the girl goes into whatever they are pulling along behind the truck. Right in front for the car, sorta mooning us, except with clothes on. Then the truck stops, causing us to rear-end them. A fender-bender.

At best I can think of is that the lady kinda reminds me of an old friend, but not really. Thinking about it now, my dream may have done a pun with the rear end. I can't think of any meaning to the dream though. I'll probably forget about it before figuring it out.

Crazy Trains and Stabby Dr. Suess

*Disclaimer: Dream does not actually contain Dr. Suess

Dream morning 12/28 I'm on what would best be described as either a train car or a vehicle stuck together with other identical vehicles in the shape of a train. It seems to change in size at different parts of the dream. I forget why I'm on there at first, but there are a bunch moving side by side and there's someone with me that I know (forget if mom or Lee upon awakening). Anyhow, that person jumps onto another train car to the left and I was going to follow, but things happened so fast, that I miss that and even nearly have my hand scraped or worse while holding the ladder rail. The train-things all veer off in different directions. At times the train-car is a bit too easy to tip, like it's just floating as it moves, so I have to keep it steady. Eventually, it comes to a turn and the two people in the cars ahead of me purposely knock their sections over to the right and get off and up stairs as quickly as they can. Mine goes towards the left and into what appears to be an abandoned cave-ride with obstructions, so I tip mine over too and jump out before it collides into something. Unsure of where I am or what's going on, I go up to the stairs the two people from the front cars had. However, very quickly there was other people coming out of nowhere (women, children, 3 old miners that came out of a door by the cave that I thought was fake or abandoned, and whoever else). I didn't know if they came from the commotion of the crash, but it became apparent they weren't just normal onlookers. What's more odd than them coming out of nowhere, was how they were all staring at me for some reason. As I climbed up the stairs, there was more people, just staring and a couple children latched on briefly. The second child was a mere toddler trying to grab me. I went on and then up a ladder. Before I reached another platform, some guy came from unknown place as the others had was suddenly behind me. (Yes, still on the ladder and so was he, cuz taller than me). In a deep voice with a British accent he said a rhyme and paused for half a second as he stabbed me in the left side of my torso (rib-cage area) with a thin dagger.

"I didn't know
When it first did begin
But please wait a moment (stab)
While your veins do rebend"

After the stab and last line, I woke up with the strong urge to pee.

It didn't just seem like, "oh, it's a dream so it's weird" at least not the last bit, after the crash. I got a sense of strange going-on's like some weird shit at the beginning of a sci-fi show/movie, before you know the back-story to understand wtf happened. You know the sort, some poor schmuck gets taken in by unknown entity and doesn't understand what happened or why. Did I disrupt something or have the misfortune to enter into a bad place? Did a similar fate happen upon everyone that was there? Perhaps the guys in the cars ahead of me knew something and hence their trying to avoid that cave area and frantic rush to get out of there. Those people staring as if expecting something... Then what happened after? Weird supernatural stuff? Death? But unlike Doctor Who or some other show, you can't just wait for the next episode or look it up online. The only explanation is within the subconscious of the head that dreamed it and it may not be as literal as a story.